Random comments by Essexmangreenindypal 3
Indygal supplied me with one of those ‘grumpy old man ranting’ books for Xmas. This was read with interest but a few of the targets seem a little soft/ obvious. Here’s an alternate list of my own.
1) Stores, particularly Boots, and their ridiculous carrier bag policies.
The scene – Indypal 3 buys a carrot cake slice and attempts to put it in his own half empty bag but helpful assistant reaches for a new carrier bag sporting fetching brand logo. ‘No, I don’t actually need a carrier bag – I’ve got one’
‘No bag!!! Are you sure?’
‘Actually no I’m not and you’ve persuaded me now. Allow me to add another one to the 234324 carrier bags handed out in the duration of our current conversation’.
2) Fake mid-Atlantic accents in UK music/ DJs.
I really don’t understand why 99.4% of groups/ artists from this country try to mask their accents to some extent. – some of the few exceptions are the London late 70s punk scene and The Proclaimers. The same applies to other non American English speaking countries by the way – have you ever heard an Australian band/ artist sing with an Aussie accent (Minogue!). Nothing against US accents at all but I would like some more variety and hear all the regional accents of the UK in songs.
3) Rampant patriotism/ parochialism.
I was recently delighted to receive a tea towel advertising the ingenious Scottish and their inventions. Sounds pretty obscure I know but this cloth rectangle is indicative of an attitude which is pretty commonplace – the embellishment of facts to reflect more positively upon the place you’re from.
Snippets of tea towel wisdom ‘The Englishman travels to work on a steam train invented by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland ’ etc. All very well, but Watt actually improved upon the Newcomen steam engine which was invented 20 years before he was born so he didn’t actually invent steam power. He was certainly a clever bloke who influenced the Industrial Revolution but he had no direct involvement with trains. We all know that the true inventor of the steam train was in fact a lady called Ugog as she invented the wheel in 5679 BC. I won’t inform the tea towel makers that she lived on a cave south of Elgin as it would only encourage them. Not a phenomenon which is unique to Scotland of course – same applies to England, Wales , NI and various counties. (In the past I’ve been reliably informed that Barnsley Town Hall is the finest example of architecture in the country for example.)
4) The lack of doughnut variety in this area of the UK .
1) Stores, particularly Boots, and their ridiculous carrier bag policies.
The scene – Indypal 3 buys a carrot cake slice and attempts to put it in his own half empty bag but helpful assistant reaches for a new carrier bag sporting fetching brand logo. ‘No, I don’t actually need a carrier bag – I’ve got one’
‘No bag!!! Are you sure?’
‘Actually no I’m not and you’ve persuaded me now. Allow me to add another one to the 234324 carrier bags handed out in the duration of our current conversation’.
2) Fake mid-Atlantic accents in UK music/ DJs.
I really don’t understand why 99.4% of groups/ artists from this country try to mask their accents to some extent. – some of the few exceptions are the London late 70s punk scene and The Proclaimers. The same applies to other non American English speaking countries by the way – have you ever heard an Australian band/ artist sing with an Aussie accent (Minogue!). Nothing against US accents at all but I would like some more variety and hear all the regional accents of the UK in songs.
3) Rampant patriotism/ parochialism.
I was recently delighted to receive a tea towel advertising the ingenious Scottish and their inventions. Sounds pretty obscure I know but this cloth rectangle is indicative of an attitude which is pretty commonplace – the embellishment of facts to reflect more positively upon the place you’re from.
Snippets of tea towel wisdom ‘The Englishman travels to work on a steam train invented by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland ’ etc. All very well, but Watt actually improved upon the Newcomen steam engine which was invented 20 years before he was born so he didn’t actually invent steam power. He was certainly a clever bloke who influenced the Industrial Revolution but he had no direct involvement with trains. We all know that the true inventor of the steam train was in fact a lady called Ugog as she invented the wheel in 5679 BC. I won’t inform the tea towel makers that she lived on a cave south of Elgin as it would only encourage them. Not a phenomenon which is unique to Scotland of course – same applies to England, Wales , NI and various counties. (In the past I’ve been reliably informed that Barnsley Town Hall is the finest example of architecture in the country for example.)
4) The lack of doughnut variety in this area of the UK .
Aulds in the devolved political entity of Scotland (or country of Scotland as some people choose to call it) sell a fine range. You cannot buy a pineapple or fudge doughnut in the non devolved political entity of England – most common are drab jam or custard ones in the uniform spherical generic shape. I’m not entirely sure that the huge and mostly Scottish readership of the blog can relate to this so some empathy is required on this one.
